BOOK REVIEW: Them Before Us
Updated: Apr 7
THEM BEFORE US (2021)
A Review By Ben Hunter
The needs of children come before the desires of the adults. They the children come before us adults.
It’s the other way around in society today. We view everything through the lens of what makes the adults happy and that children need to adapt to what the adults have decided … because they’re the adults. So that just makes sense right? Taking a step back and viewing our relationships and procreating life choices through the lens of “what’s best for the child” should clear the air and force us to stop putting the desires of the adults before the needs of the children. Taking this view helps to attenuate the heavily pressured debates surrounding this issue.
Katy Faust (with the help of her co-author Stacy Manning who operates as the clarifying voice of what Katy’s trying to say as a dynamic writing duo for some time now) tackles all the hot button issues surrounding this topic to help us keep the correct lens when viewing these matters.
So, cohabitation is a great step towards marriage as a sort of practice run for the two which makes sure they both know if it’s the right step? Well, no, actually. Children with cohabiting parents are 3 times as likely to see their parents divorce and 4 times as likely to experience physical and sexual abuse. But in the culture we live in, this is mainstreamed as a no brainer and a perfectly common next step in the relationship.
If the adults are unhappy, the children shouldn’t be forced to see them as such and will be happy when their parents are, once the divorce goes through? Well, even a fully equal custody agreement cuts the time spent with the child, and that’s if neither parent cuts out. Keeping in mind it’s the unplanned moments where growth and nurturing take place a lot of the time. And now that it’s possible that no one can be a fault with divorce, there’s no responsibility for one’s actions, no accountability for the pain caused in a marriage. Making it simply about the desires of the adults and ignoring the needs of the children. Thus proving how marriage isn’t taken seriously anymore. It’s just another thing couples do. And if it doesn’t work out? No problem, you tried, you fell out of love, and you can always get a divorce. Problem solved.
And my personal favorite, “‘Love is love’ that’s all you need to have a family. That’s all that’s necessary in a relationship. Anything else is just living in the stone age and forcing your religion upon others just wanting to live their lives in peace!” Well, remember, this isn’t about you, it’s about the children. And redefining marriage redefines parenthood. Making husbands and wives optional makes fathers and mothers optional which weakens a child’s development because we’re intentionally depriving them of one of their parents. Children crave this, we all want to know where we come from. Just look at what happens with adopted children (many of which are put into these situations). They still crave to know who their bloodline is and where they come from. We have to keep it in mind that everything should be put through the lens of what’s best for the child. And sometimes difficult situations result in children who cannot grow up with their biological mother and father so we make the best of a bad situation via adoption. But like with other helpful adopting parents, a constant recognition of what’s best for a child (mother and father) and a constant effort to help give them that presence of both sexes with help searching for the info of their origins will go a long way to help complete the hole in the child’s heart. Remember, they’ve been deprived of their natural right to mothering and fathering, “parenting” is a misnomer. This isn’t a “gay vs. straight” debate, etc., IT’S A PRO-CHILD ONE!
So, adopting, intent based parent laws, single motherhood by choice, two moms on a birth certificate, third party procreation (sperm and egg donations, surrogacy), author Katy breaks down in detail why these hurt children and why deviating from the natural mother and father set up shouldn’t be looked at as just one way to do it. Or why families come in all sizes and that should be celebrated. That’s the woke culture we live in speaking. There’s a reason the fence was put up in the first place. And after going through Katy’s breakdown of the various procreating areas, it’s clear people don’t know why it was put up in the first place. She does this with stories and statistics and even leaves out religion altogether. You’d be surprised that she’s a preacher’s wife and could easily give you the spiel you’d probably expect on these matters.
This book comes from a place of love. It’s all framed in the proper perspective which was my main takeaway. “What’s best for the child?” And section after section, the point is clear, a mother and a father is and always will be best. Sometimes that isn’t always possible and so we have to make the best of a bad situation and refrain from creating another one intentionally. Because the needs of the children should always come first. The best way to do that, as proven time and time again, is by promoting traditional marriage with mothers and fathers. Trying to make that as simply just another option and that there’s more than one way to skin a cat is exactly why we as a society are so hurt today! Why we’re at each other’s throats in political partisanship, day in and day out. Why our men are weak and our women are angry, because our families are broken! And even though we vehemently disagree on the issues, remembering what’s important will help us to put down our weapons and viewing everything as combat. So you really want to engage in a homosexual or polyamorous lifestyle? No one’s going to PROHIBIT and force you to live like we think you should. But there’s a reason the state always PROMOTED the nuclear family, because it best perpetuates and stabilizes society. So any other indirectly harming behavior potential or otherwise is PERMITTED amongst society. Putting them in line with nature and saying nothing is different as all roads lead to the same place is why society is so tense, sensitive, and angry right now. Why it seems like people hate others and are getting too involved in their lifestyles. This is how we all can disagree and live in peace nonetheless.
This is a very important topic for me. it’s the one issue that started my journey to know of and have a thoroughly researched opinion about the important topics of life and society (read my story in the about me section). Life and strong families are the building blocks of everything! All of society’s problems can be traced back to this topic. And it’s the one topic I find myself becoming more and more passionate about as the years progress, with research and love for spreading the truth. I found this book very helpful in enlightening me on a couple of different aspects I never considered. A major eye opening direction to view the gay marriage debate through the lens of, and why the adoption process is and should be so scrutinizing. What’s best for the child, that’s what all this should be about.
I’ve been back and forth on whether Katy was thorough enough with her delivering of that message. Did she strike that balance and tow the line properly? She even mentions this in the final chapter urging us to join the movement. Facts don’t care about your feelings but feelings come before facts before we can ever want to know what those facts are. That’s why she littered this book with anecdotal stories that support each section of the procreational process that we’re all debating. She mentions all the statistics in the world (many of which she uses to support each story that comes about) do not and most likely will not support anyone’s position to change their mind on these hot button issues. Not all the time but, a lot of the time, feelings come before facts and we have to sympathize with people and their stories before we can change our mind on the facts of the matter. But was it enough to not just write this book off as cherry picking the facts to support
a biased, traditional, religiously bigoted position as many critics may view this as? That was my dilemma as I was reading this. Was it enough to support a broad view? Or will naysayers just say she was cherry picking? And it’s not until I’ve finished the book and remembered that the mere fact that Katy simply mentioned this dilemma, that she thought of this fact, and previously supported it throughout the book with a plethora of statistics and facts that supported the plethora of anecdotal stories that make the foundation of this book and this movement, that put me from almost there with this book, to completely there! Yes, it was enough!
Join the movement today at ThemBeforeUs.com!